Thoughts >Identity > Human

Have you ever thought of how some things are everything and nothing at the same time? I find it strange. It is strange, obviously. And have you thought of how almost every statement can be justified in one way or another? And that many opposite things can actually equal each other? If you’ve thought of these things, then have you thought about what purpose this serves? Thinking. What does it do? Especially thinking of such perplexing things.

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And it is He who spread the earth and placed therein firmly set mountains and rivers; and from all of the fruits He made therein two mates; He causes the night to cover the day. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” {Ar-Ra’ad:3}

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It’s becoming common these days to find people, especially teenagers, thinking about deep matters; coming up with philosophical theories, twisting simple phenomenon into some unfathomable philosophy which might even be very impressive. But what use is it? Does it help us discover the universe? Does it help you get closer to the Creator? Does it help you in this world? Does it do anything but make you a mysterious complex character who others observe in awe? Maybe it does. Maybe. We could even come up with some very profound logics to this. I’m not here to judge that.

I just think there are better things to ponder upon than triangles that could begin from one point or from two. Who created the things we twist into philosophies? Why were they created? What’s the purpose of stars? What’s the wisdom of seasons? Why are humans the way they are? Why isn’t everyone the same? Wouldn’t everything be better if we all had the same capabilities and weaknesses? Wouldn’t the world be fairer if everyone had everything they wanted? Then why not? Why is there any evil at all in this world? Why do infants die? Why does war exist? What is disease for? Why is the universe the way it is? How come everything nature has created is so perfect? Who could’ve thought of such complexities that the world possesses? And then who could’ve created such fine detail? And then who could manage so much in such a balanced way? And then…. Who could destroy every single thing to ever exist in the universe? What are angels? Where did they come from? What is religion? Why do we need it? Why does the world contain proportions of everything? Who could think of all of this? How did it happen? WHY did it happen? The world that we live in, does it actually even really exist? How do you know everything isn’t just a figment of your imagination? What is this time that we so believe in? Why does death come? What comes after? Humans couldn’t just exist once to vanish forever, could they? Nothing that is something can ever really become completely nothing. Or can it?

We’re humans, and there are two things we do subconsciously and constantly. Breathing, thinking. These two things actually affect each other largely. Our breathing rhythms affect our moods. Our emotions influence our breathing rhythms. Point being, we can’t help thinking all sorts of things, but our thoughts do eventually become our words which might become our acts; directly or indirectly, consciously or unconsciously. I remember when we first got a TV in our house, I was afraid of it. I think I was 12 or 13. Then I began watching it, and used to think the shows won’t affect me, after all, I’m only watching them. I’m not doing anything of the sort. But I did watch, those things imbedded in my thoughts, and eventually I was confident enough to just joke about them, and then they seeped into my acts in such an unnoticeable way, I couldn’t even put the blame on the TV.

Hence, thoughts > words > actions
And I might go as far as to say: actions > identity

So then basically your thoughts make up your identity, your personality. You can’t stop thinking, and you mustn’t. But think good then. Think of things that give you something to live for. Think about where you are, and what you’re doing there. Think about why you are where you are. Think about how long you’re there for, and how long you’ll live for. Think about whether you’re ready to die. Think about life, and whether your life is good enough.

Think to find yourself. Think to believe.

~Moniba.

She often holds her hands in her hands
Looks down, pulls at the sides of her eyes
Thinks about it for a while
And then lets it go.
She gets up and busies herself
Stays up late, avoids the pillow
But when sleep is inevitable
She rests her head on the pillow
Holds a cushion between her arms
Clasps her hands together
Now they can’t travel to her head
So she doesn’t have to think about it.
Not really.

~Moniba

Three corners of a triangle

A triangleUntitled trio
starts at a point
goes toward
two other points.
But who’s to say
it doesn’t begin
at two points
which meet
at one point?

~Moniba.

Funny how the world is so funny

Untitled Mountains2

It’s funny how the world goes
People who used to be so close
Turn into such perfect strangers.

It’s funny how the world goes
Emotions that used to be so familiar
Turn into ideas so alien.

It’s funny how the world goes
A heart that used to be so whole
Turns into such unfathomable pieces.

It’s funny how the world goes
Words that used to hold meanings so sweet
Turn into such bitter reminders.

It’s funny how the world goes
That which used to make perfect sense
Turns into such absurd apprehension.

It really is funny how the world goes
Things that used to be funny
Turn into tear-inducing stimuli.

~Moniba.

Funny how the world can be this funny while not being funny at all. I suppose that’s why insane people laugh so much. They’ve experienced how funny the funny world really can be.

In weakness is your strength, and in strength your weakness

Exactly four tears trickled out of her eyes.
“I want to be brave, I want to be brave, I want to be brave,” she silently chanted to herself. You’ll be the bravest person on Earth if you let yourself cry right now. “No, I can’t. I won’t. I’m stronger than this.” Holding back tears isn’t strength. It’s a weakness. It means you’re not strong enough to see yourself vulnerable. “No, I’m strong enough to see my vulnerability and patch it up. I will not cry. That will only increase the intensity of these feelings.” And what exactly is wrong with these feelings? You have done nothing to be ashamed of. “I…. I might have. Why else would I be here? I must have done something. Something I don’t remember. It must be my fault somehow.” There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You did nothing wrong- not there anyway. You’re allowed to cry. Be strong. “How does crying make strong?!” It shows your humanity. Unfeeling human are not strong. It is those who feel with a passion that are strong. Numbing yourself does you no good. It makes you weaker.

“I am not numb.” But you will be. “No, I try very hard to feel everything with a passion,  so I do not turn into an unfeeling being.” Unfeeling being? “Well, yes. Unfeeling human seems to make no sense.” Ah yes, you try to feel everything with a passion. Everything but that which you need to feel. “That is not true.” Isn’t it? “No… I’ve felt it too much for too great a period. I feel that it is now time to let it go.” Let it go? Of course. But by suppressing it? “Suppression is defense.” 

So by numbing yourself to those certain feelings, you’re letting go of them and hence defending yourself? “……yes.”
I see. Cowardice is strength. “You don’t get it….” Oh, I don’t? Why must you assume so? I understand you perfectly.
*silence*
Sometimes the biggest feat of strength is to not be strong…. “I am strong.” Then why do you feel the need to not let your feelings intensify? Isn’t that weakness? “No, that is maturity. That is control over self.” Oh pish posh! You need to get your concepts straight.
“Why? Maturity is learning to control feelings, learning to differentiate between the significant and insignificant ones.” Exactly that. Except, that is not what you’re doing. You’re being immature by insisting that you’re being mature. 
*sigh*
“I’ve spent years feeling it. It hasn’t helped. Now i’m trying to let it go. Let me let it go!” If you were really letting go and if you were really convinced of it, you wouldn’t need my consent. “I’m not…” -Look. Just feeling it is obviously not enough. Feeling too much or feeling too less isn’t going to help either. Honestly, crying for the sake of crying won’t help. But neither will numbing yourself.
“What then?! What do I do?!” Letting go is a lie. Nobody can let go. Not unless there’s something incredibly powerful behind it. So let go of letting go. Cry. It’s okay. Deal with it as it comes. Be strong.

But then, once you’ve cried, brace yourself. Excess of anything is harmful. So it is with strength.

 

You have a soul

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Drawing credits to myself and a friend.

Why do you mute her? Wait, does she even have a gender? She must, if you do. Give her a fair chance, maybe? You’ve caged her. But you haven’t clipped her wings yet. You haven’t strangled her. You haven’t tried to kill her. You just want silence, I suppose. You know she can’t be silent. She strives on strife. If you clip her wings, it’ll only be a matter of time till she grows them again. And then she will try harder, she will be stronger.

You’re afraid of her now, aren’t you? She overpowers you with guilt whenever you give her power. Well, guilt isn’t bad. And if she feels it, then there really must be reason for it. She is not irrational. Anything but that. Guilt is actually a strength, did you notice? Because sometimes, what we perceive to be our weakness is in reality our strength. And that which we perceive to be our strength is in actuality our weakness. And guilt…. it gives you the power to be human. As human as only a human can be. It allows you to make amends. It might seem to be suffocating you, but really, it liberates you.

Let her out, let her live. You’re snatching her rights to living from her. Ironic, no? Since she is life. Let her speak. Strengthen her. She only wants that which is good for you.

You know you can’t ever be at peace without her. After all, she’s the one who’ll have the final word.

Mutiny

macro-eyes (1)[4]There are those days when your eyes seem to forget their functions. They forget they were made to see, to blink, to protect, to cry, to give. Instead, they just passively look at the externals, linger at places without blinking, make the person vulnerable, withhold tears, and give way to tension. They rebel. Unfairly.

Perhaps, they imitate their owners.

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