Category: Psychology

The Door Stays Open

Fear saunters in like that uninvited guest
who wants to be centerstage at every party.

Constantly sniffing for food,
it wonders where the joy of the party went,
and while pestering the host for drinks,
it cajoles your intestines out and becomes

the manifestation of your worst nightmares,
alive only inside your consciousness
but consciously everywhere you look.

Fear saunters in and refuses to leave.
The door always stays open…

I wonder, I wander

And then, I wasn’t there anymore. I don’t know. I might have been floating in the sky somewhere above Morocco, or I could be resting on the clouds above the Jamia Masid of New Delhi, I might have been sitting right beside this form of me, but I wasn’t here, this wasn’t me. So I began acting like someone who’s not really here, absently doing things, answering queries unconcernedly. I’m not even here so why bother. Except, to other people, I was here, this was me, and I should have acted like myself. How could I, when this wasn’t me, really? How do I act like myself? Act is what we do, in reality. “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”, as the bard puts it so eloquently. So here I was, worrying about how I should act when instead, I should have been worrying about where I am, if not here…

Where am I? Morocco, New Delhi, Karachi saahil, my own home, or have I passed away entirely? Is that why I cannot function the way I am supposed to? This “supposed to” creates a myriad of problems for me. I have this stubborn, twisted muscle which makes me want to defy every “supposed to”. And when I do that, I end up defying all accepted forms of being. And then…. well, then I end up existing everywhere but here. What does it mean to not exist? Does it mean being dead in all senses of death? Does it mean being dead in the heart? Does it mean being wiped off the face of this Earth? Or does it mean doing things not apropos to world?

I’m wandering off-topic. But then, there is no topic. I’m not here. Only this world requires  a topic and a label on everything. I’m not here. I need no topic. But I do wonder where I am, and who this “I” is that I keep on referring to. I do wonder.

Thoughts >Identity > Human

Have you ever thought of how some things are everything and nothing at the same time? I find it strange. It is strange, obviously. And have you thought of how almost every statement can be justified in one way or another? And that many opposite things can actually equal each other? If you’ve thought of these things, then have you thought about what purpose this serves? Thinking. What does it do? Especially thinking of such perplexing things.

.

13_3

And it is He who spread the earth and placed therein firmly set mountains and rivers; and from all of the fruits He made therein two mates; He causes the night to cover the day. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” {Ar-Ra’ad:3}

.

It’s becoming common these days to find people, especially teenagers, thinking about deep matters; coming up with philosophical theories, twisting simple phenomenon into some unfathomable philosophy which might even be very impressive. But what use is it? Does it help us discover the universe? Does it help you get closer to the Creator? Does it help you in this world? Does it do anything but make you a mysterious complex character who others observe in awe? Maybe it does. Maybe. We could even come up with some very profound logics to this. I’m not here to judge that.

I just think there are better things to ponder upon than triangles that could begin from one point or from two. Who created the things we twist into philosophies? Why were they created? What’s the purpose of stars? What’s the wisdom of seasons? Why are humans the way they are? Why isn’t everyone the same? Wouldn’t everything be better if we all had the same capabilities and weaknesses? Wouldn’t the world be fairer if everyone had everything they wanted? Then why not? Why is there any evil at all in this world? Why do infants die? Why does war exist? What is disease for? Why is the universe the way it is? How come everything nature has created is so perfect? Who could’ve thought of such complexities that the world possesses? And then who could’ve created such fine detail? And then who could manage so much in such a balanced way? And then…. Who could destroy every single thing to ever exist in the universe? What are angels? Where did they come from? What is religion? Why do we need it? Why does the world contain proportions of everything? Who could think of all of this? How did it happen? WHY did it happen? The world that we live in, does it actually even really exist? How do you know everything isn’t just a figment of your imagination? What is this time that we so believe in? Why does death come? What comes after? Humans couldn’t just exist once to vanish forever, could they? Nothing that is something can ever really become completely nothing. Or can it?

We’re humans, and there are two things we do subconsciously and constantly. Breathing, thinking. These two things actually affect each other largely. Our breathing rhythms affect our moods. Our emotions influence our breathing rhythms. Point being, we can’t help thinking all sorts of things, but our thoughts do eventually become our words which might become our acts; directly or indirectly, consciously or unconsciously. I remember when we first got a TV in our house, I was afraid of it. I think I was 12 or 13. Then I began watching it, and used to think the shows won’t affect me, after all, I’m only watching them. I’m not doing anything of the sort. But I did watch, those things imbedded in my thoughts, and eventually I was confident enough to just joke about them, and then they seeped into my acts in such an unnoticeable way, I couldn’t even put the blame on the TV.

Hence, thoughts > words > actions
And I might go as far as to say: actions > identity

So then basically your thoughts make up your identity, your personality. You can’t stop thinking, and you mustn’t. But think good then. Think of things that give you something to live for. Think about where you are, and what you’re doing there. Think about why you are where you are. Think about how long you’re there for, and how long you’ll live for. Think about whether you’re ready to die. Think about life, and whether your life is good enough.

Think to find yourself. Think to believe.

~Moniba.

In weakness is your strength, and in strength your weakness

Exactly four tears trickled out of her eyes.
“I want to be brave, I want to be brave, I want to be brave,” she silently chanted to herself. You’ll be the bravest person on Earth if you let yourself cry right now. “No, I can’t. I won’t. I’m stronger than this.” Holding back tears isn’t strength. It’s a weakness. It means you’re not strong enough to see yourself vulnerable. “No, I’m strong enough to see my vulnerability and patch it up. I will not cry. That will only increase the intensity of these feelings.” And what exactly is wrong with these feelings? You have done nothing to be ashamed of. “I…. I might have. Why else would I be here? I must have done something. Something I don’t remember. It must be my fault somehow.” There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You did nothing wrong- not there anyway. You’re allowed to cry. Be strong. “How does crying make strong?!” It shows your humanity. Unfeeling human are not strong. It is those who feel with a passion that are strong. Numbing yourself does you no good. It makes you weaker.

“I am not numb.” But you will be. “No, I try very hard to feel everything with a passion,  so I do not turn into an unfeeling being.” Unfeeling being? “Well, yes. Unfeeling human seems to make no sense.” Ah yes, you try to feel everything with a passion. Everything but that which you need to feel. “That is not true.” Isn’t it? “No… I’ve felt it too much for too great a period. I feel that it is now time to let it go.” Let it go? Of course. But by suppressing it? “Suppression is defense.” 

So by numbing yourself to those certain feelings, you’re letting go of them and hence defending yourself? “……yes.”
I see. Cowardice is strength. “You don’t get it….” Oh, I don’t? Why must you assume so? I understand you perfectly.
*silence*
Sometimes the biggest feat of strength is to not be strong…. “I am strong.” Then why do you feel the need to not let your feelings intensify? Isn’t that weakness? “No, that is maturity. That is control over self.” Oh pish posh! You need to get your concepts straight.
“Why? Maturity is learning to control feelings, learning to differentiate between the significant and insignificant ones.” Exactly that. Except, that is not what you’re doing. You’re being immature by insisting that you’re being mature. 
*sigh*
“I’ve spent years feeling it. It hasn’t helped. Now i’m trying to let it go. Let me let it go!” If you were really letting go and if you were really convinced of it, you wouldn’t need my consent. “I’m not…” -Look. Just feeling it is obviously not enough. Feeling too much or feeling too less isn’t going to help either. Honestly, crying for the sake of crying won’t help. But neither will numbing yourself.
“What then?! What do I do?!” Letting go is a lie. Nobody can let go. Not unless there’s something incredibly powerful behind it. So let go of letting go. Cry. It’s okay. Deal with it as it comes. Be strong.

But then, once you’ve cried, brace yourself. Excess of anything is harmful. So it is with strength.

 

Imaginary friend(s)

Every time she entered her room, her imaginary friends asked her if she was alright. And every time she replied with an affirmative. Yes, I’m okay. Why do you ask this every time, she sometimes queried.

That one day, when they asked her if she was okay, she said “no” without a moment’s hesitation. And every time from then onward, her reply was always a negative.

They knew then, that they didn’t have to worry about her anymore. She was alright, and would be.

I and Myself [Part 1] : Discovery

“My Self argues with me, that it can not live with Me, unless I change my Self.”

I drift in dreams…moniba 341
I feel myself
I relax
I’m in my world now
There’s no one to judge
There’s no one to look
There’s no one
To disrupt my peace
To kill my dreams
Inside of a dream

I drift in dreams
I relax
There’s no one here
It’s just me
But then I think
It’s harder to deal with
Myself
Than it is
To deal with
Everyone else

I judge myself
Harsher than anybody else
I criticize myself
In harder ways than anybody else
I rebuke myself
The way nobody ever can
I depress myself
As no-one ever has
I cause myself
To break apart….!!

So I force myself
To wake up
And then sentence myself
To nights as restless
As realities in dreams
I shy away
From dreams as well
As I shy away
From reality

Contributions to Failure

We plan, we promise, and we begin. We do this again and again. We aim for the moon and end up mid-air. Why do we fail? The way I see it, failure is rarely because of lack of resources or opportunities. It’s more because of spiritual or psychological reasons, or simply because it’s not meant to be.

The first thing that came to mind when I started thinking about it was that we often fail because as we near the finish line, we relax, and eventually lose sight of purpose. And when we lose the initial purpose for which we started in the first place, the flame goes out, we slow down, and then fail or achieve lesser than expected.

Then of course, there’s lack of belief or the weakness of it. We make a plan and believe it possible, but with doubtful hopes. The doubt slowly kills the belief, and even if we go on trying, this affects our efforts. It stops us from taking leaps that could actually benefit our purpose more than anything else. It stops us from doing our best.

There are several other factors that contribute to failure. Lack of self-discipline, pessimism and procrastination are often the causes too. No matter how brilliant our plan, if executed with poor discipline, it is bound to fail. Discipline of personality is of utmost importance when it comes to success., whether it be worldly success or eternal. Pessimism and procrastination are stepping-stones to failure. We step on one, the other is bound to follow. Together they contaminate our energy and take us all the way to failure.

Whatever the causes of failure, we all know it is not a bad thing. It paves the way for success, it teaches us what we needed to be taught before we succeeded. It gives us a chance to improve ourselves, make ourselves stronger. But often, we begin to feel very disappointed after we fail at something and that is only natural. We just need to tell ourselves to get up and try again. It’ll be better this time. Even if we fail again, it’ll be a better failure than the last one.

Prejudice against Psychology

psychology-science-bannersAs the university admissions near, i’m getting a lot of questions about what i’m going to pursue. I used to say i’m going to major in Psychology, but I know better now. The reactions that people here give me are rather prejudiced, and unexpected.  They say, why would you want to major in psychology?? You’ll become a psycho studying it. And while many of them mean it as a joke, some say it quite seriously. They say most psychologists we’ve seen become mentally ill themselves. And that results in me explaining to them the difference between psychology and psychiatry.

It’s true that sometimes a psychologist is influenced by his patient’s illness, but that only happens out of serious concern, and is not permanent. It  does not mean that the psychologist himself has got that illness. Psychologists are actually very helpful to the world. Studying psychology has always been an interest for me since i’m very curious about the mind.

And that’s what psychology is. The study of mind and behaviour. Getting to know humanity. understanding people. Finding out what causes emotional and psychological stress in people. What the root cause of their stress is. Finding out what makes for better mental development. How much our physical state affects our mental state. What triggers emotions. What makes for a better learner…. The subject is so vast, that it has not even been given a very definite definition yet. Though I think it would be most appropriate to define  it as the study of mind and behaviour. It’s a vast enough definition and covers the scope of the subject.

So with the subject being that vast, it really isn’t fair to judge it based on one small part of it. Psychology aims for better mental experiences, and health. And it has gained quick acceptance all over the world, people are fascinated by it’s subject matter. It’s the key to knowing and possibly even controlling human minds, though the controlling aspect might make it sinister. If you know psychology, you’ll know how to handle people better, you’ll be able to handle personal traumas better, you’ll be able to help others handle them. You will be able to love people better by understanding them. You’ll know to hate for the right reasons.

One problem that I’ve noticed many people have with psychology students-and I say students because I think professional psychologists are better able to contain themselves and know to keep their analyzing minds to the office and refrain from judging- is that they start trying to analyze everyone they interact with. They start trying to study them and their situations. Well cut them some slack, I say. They’re only exploring their subject. Everyone does it. You learn something new, you try to find it in society. You develop an interest in a subject, you try to study it in depth in real life. And if that subject is psychology, then our laboratories are your minds. And our own minds too.

Of course, I admit, it must be frustrating to know you’re being analyzed, maybe judged too. And it probably doesn’t feel nice. But that’s how the developing psychologist learns his limits. Learns to control his curiosity, his power. And by all means, tell him off if it gets too creepy!

Another thing, we Muslims are prejudiced against the subject because of some psychologists like Freud I think. But hey, we can’t alter theories if we don’t get into the subject and introduce better ones, now can we?

Here I will end my rant, or justification, or explanation-call it what you may. It felt nice to say this, though I see I got slightly carried away up there.