“Jee mujhy qubool hae”

I have never been one for writing about events, but two days ago, my brother got married and I felt it deserved to be written about. I would’ve embellished this post with photos, but it seemed to go against the decorum I try to maintain here on my blog. I sit in my room this evening, relaxed and all done with the wedding rush and reception worries, completely left to myself, free to muse upon details of the event and in a pensive mood which usually means the beginning of a storm in my thoughts, so I seek to calm it with writing. On the 30th of January, my brother got married to a wonderful beautiful girl. I had waited for that day since I was a schoolgirl, and I used to fantasize about my brother marrying one of my friends, and then all of us living happily ever after in one home. I imagined I’d sit with his wife on the stairs of our house and talk about random things all revolving around my brother. I’d tell her his stories and she’d tell me theirs. All of those girly sisterly ideas. Over the years, these ideas matured and I stopped giving much thought to it when I realized just how complex these matters are and that I do not have the complete understanding of them, neither do I have much interest. The dream of seeing my brother married happy and well always remained. And now that it has come true, I do not know how to feel, really. I am immensely happy for them. When I heard my brother say “Qubool hae” (equivalent of I do) over the mic, I was overwhelmed and had tears in my eyes. And then when I saw the couple walking down the ramp, with my brother helping his bride down the way, I couldn’t help but smile like a lunatic. Perhaps my emotions seem like an exaggeration, only I know how true this is.

The wedding was beautiful, everyone was merry, the bride looked gorgeous, and the groom looked dashing (and very much like a groom, which I had previously doubted for some reason). But all of this is superficial. We had a new member in the family. She came home with us. We talked for quite a while, and long after everyone had retired, I lay in bed thinking things over. Hoping and praying they’d be happy together, wishing that my parents would be calm and happy as well, and that everything would remain smooth. I waited for the morning very impatiently. I wanted to see them together. It made me so happy… Alhamdulillah. Now I realize I sound like an obsessed sister, but no. Outwardly, nobody could tell I felt all of this. I guess I didn’t know either- it’s only when I’m writing about it that I know… and writing just this much feels enough.

Here’s to Bhai and Bhabhi, I wish you the happiest, most fulfilling life. I wish you everything good. I wish you bliss and togetherness of forever. I wish you two find the answers to the questions that you are, in each other.

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17 thoughts on ““Jee mujhy qubool hae”

  1. When I was a kid marriage still meant something in this culture, beyond the opportunity for another party.

    It closely joined not only two people but two families – usually for several generations – and was meant to be for keeps. Unless – horror and scandal! – it failed.

    Failure wasn’t when the couple cheated on each other, hated each other or even physically abused each other. Those were just the loads you bore stoically along with millions of other unhappily married couples. Failure was that rare public declaration of inadequacy and irresponsibility that often tied people up in the legal system for years, financially ruined them, stigmatised them and their children and could even result in them being rejected by their church. A divorce!

    All of that changed radically in the 1970s. Laws were reformed and attitudes changed seemingly overnight. It was now generally accepted that around half of all marriages would end in divorce and most of the stigma disappeared. Besides, lots of people no longer bother with marriage anyway. They live together and even raise families without bothering to formalise their relationships legally or religiously. Families themselves are no longer very coherent, with parents, adult offspring and siblings often having no contact beyond the occasional birthday card or funeral. Marriage became an optional adornment to a relationship without much further commitment implied.

    Marriage doesn’t matter much anymore. If it doesn’t work out you just move out and move on. I for one haven’t been interested in it since I was a child and always assumed (correctly) that I’d never go to the trouble of getting married. It always seemed rank hypocrisy to stand in front of friends and family and make a whole load of ritualised promises you were very likely to break. I’ve been a bit mystified by the recent fracas over same sex marriages. Why do so many people get so het up over an institution no-one takes seriously anymore?

    I’ve never been sure whether the decline of marriage is a good or bad thing, but when I read your post it sure drove home the point that we’re now missing something important we once had.

    • I’m definitely in favour of the institution… But did you see any good coming out of the decline of marriage?..
      Anyway… Thankyou for your comment:) At least for my brother, I’m happy and I hope you’ll pray for them.

      • But did you see any good coming out of the decline of marriage?

        Sure. Less people locked into miserable and often abusive lives. Less stigma towards those who finally gave in and got a divorce (and especially towards the children of ‘a broken home’, who were once considered doomed to be criminals or lunatics). No more ostracism of those ‘living in sin’ who decided not to get married at all. Less hypocrisy as two people solemnly promised to “love, honour and obey till death they do part” when they knew damned well it was an unlikely outcome and half the time they’d been frogmarched to the altar by family and community pressure – even if the bride wasn’t pregnant.

        I think mainly it’s been a benefit for women as in the bad old days husbands often took the position of family despot, secure in the knowledge that no matter how abusive they got their wives were unlikely to contemplate the scandal of divorce. Also, women of my mother’s generation were considered failures (or suspected lesbians) if they weren’t married by their early 20s. A lot of lesbians did marry men, just to avoid the stigma. Yet strangely it’s women (albeit a minority) who seem most nostalgic for the way it was.

        I sincerely do wish the best for your brother and new sister. I don’t know them but I’m sure marriage is an institution of great importance in their lives. And I know their marriage is important to you.

        I don’t know if it was a love match or arranged, but I reckon marriages are healthier in cultures where it’s not necessarily assumed that love conquers all. Marriage is something to be worked at, negotiated, built and rebuilt day by day. Not spun from the ‘magic’ of romance.

  2. Awwww congrats to your bhai and bhabhi! I can imagine the happiness you must have felt, it’s not exaggerated at all. That ‘qubool hai’ moment is so very very life changing. Cute post, did your bhabhi read it to see how you like her so much masha Allah? ;P

  3. Ohhh but m such a evil bhabi moniba😉 we can not sit on stairs and talk because we dont have any 😉 but else is done Alhamdulillah… jazakAllah for such a beautifull article

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