Yesterday was December 31st of 2015. Twenty-one years from now, on a very very cold day, I was born. My mother recalled that day yesterday. She told me it was extremely cold, and I was born entirely blue. They had to keep us in a heated room. When I was born, one of my feet was limp. The doctors said it was due to weakness, lack of calcium.
I was literally a blue baby. Perhaps that is why blue is my favourite colour. When I was younger, one of my friends and I had arguments over pink and blue. I was crazy for blue, and she for pink. Everything was blue in my room and pink in hers. I’s present the benefits of blue, and she’d defend pink. We were very young-school days.
A few days back, I went shopping with my mother. Surprisingly, everything I picked happened to be pink. I bought pink bed-sheets for my room. I bought a pink dress. Almost every fabric I put my hand on was pink. And I wasn’t even vying for pink consciously. Perhaps it had to do with the process Joy and Sadness went through in Inside Out, when they matured and eventually realized things couldn’t just be happy or sad, that they were interlinked and they couldn’t just shut one mechanism down. Or maybe, it was the people I love dearly, whose preferences shaped mine. Whichever it was, I found that I’m not in the blue/pink phase anymore. I’m in the blue & pink and every other colour as needed phase. We may pull on any skill, any quality, any technique, any colour and any emotion as we need it. In fact, we needn’t pull on any, we can just let them come to us, but we can’t just sit on one path and decide this is the one. I’m not looking anywhere else. This is it, this is where I stop. We can’t stop.
My birthday was a very ordinary day. If anything, I felt weighed down by all the bulk that comes with another year. You’re a grown up, Moniba. You’re two years out of teenage. You’re twenty-one, for God’s sake! Grow up already. This is something I’ve thought about a lot, since my early teens. Because even when we turn thirteen from twelve, we feel all grown up. Every year, same feeling. I felt this more when I turned twenty. But now, I feel it more. I actually feel it. I’m not hyped about it, I’m not like, oh my God I’m twenty-one!! I need a drastic change in life. I need to do things the way adults do! I need to look smarter, do things more maturely. No. I’m calm. almost too calm about it. Acceptance of age, maybe? Or circumstances. There comes a time in every phase, where we stop struggling against the wind. Where we let go of things we can’t do much about (example: fate) and begin to steer the wind where we really can (example: our part in life). Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we sit around letting things happen to us. I’m just saying we stop worrying about things we don’t have control over and start doing things we do have control over, and then try to alter things we didn’t have control over. And this advice is more for myself than anybody else. I’ve noticed the attitude in myself. I’ll stay up all night and think about everything going wrong in life, in the world. But in thinking of all that, I lose my focus on everything I can do for it.
Previously, I said my birthday was a very ordinary day. But if I look at it from a different angle, a very beautiful person made it very beautiful. It wasn’t that great a day, but I was happy. Because my person made me happy. It gives an immense feeling, when someone who we know doesn’t even have much time free, does such wonderful things for us and tries to make us happy. So thank you. I love you. I love you extremely. You made a wish come true, one I never thought anybody would give thought to. But that’s what you do. You do things no one would even give thought to. That makes me love you more. Don’t go. Ever.
Today is 1st January 2016. I’m counting the days.