What can a person possibly feel when a beloved leaves… After being so close for so long… What can a person feel but deserted and alone?… No matter how much we try to be mature about it… It still hurts just the same. Still hurts too much. It becomes hard to think about anything but that. The mind takes so long to actually accept the fact. Even though we know… We know very well. It is still a shock. The mind still takes long to register it. The thought of that one person missing…becomes unbearable.
Especially when that person is your best friend. One of them. And especially when things just started looking up. And especially when that person has no choice but to leave. Heart-rending. It’s not everyday that you find someone so unique that you never want to let go. Someone so very unique, that everyone but themselves sees it. Someone amazing… Who you can open up to. Someone just as strange as you… Someone different. Unlike you, but like you too. Your person.
My person is leaving. I just wanted to tell her, that I love her and always will.
Her hair and her eyes.
I think of her going away.. and all those moments replay in my mind. How we both never knew the other existed till 8th grade. We didn’t have a great opinion of each other. Then circumstances forced us to sit beside each other for the rest of the school years. At first, I didn’t get her. She often confused me. I wanted her to like me, for us to get along well. And I couldn’t figure out how. I couldn’t figure out how she felt. But then when I did get to know her, when I started to understand her, I was amazed. I can still say this about her, she’s the most unique person I’ve ever met. We never talked much. The silence was often comfortable. And when we did talk, it was almost always meaningful.
I think there are two kind of best friends. Those you can be crazy with, stay stupid stuff to, and then laugh over it for hours even decades. You understand each other. You can make the other forget their pain, be happy with them. And those who you can talk to about important stuff. About feelings. And you’re comfortable telling them. You solve each other’s problems. You listen to the other seriously… You can be quite philosophical together… You don’t need to talk all the time to understand what the other is going through… And their are those too… Who’re both kinds.
After all of this, it comes down to the fact that I know, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Allah knows best, He knows what’s better for us and He knows what we can not comprehend. If He has planned for her to go away…then it’s best she does. And it’s like we’ll never ever see each other again. No, we probably hopefully will. It hurts, and it will keep on hurting. But that’s life. No one ever said it’s easy. It’s actually very difficult. It actually does become unbearable at times. But that’s what we live for. The challenges, and to live through them. To learn from them… To let them make us stronger. And then to face more challenges. Till we breathe our last.